She Won’t Do That Again

This was originally a poem I wrote during my marriage to an abusive husband. I can remember laying in bed at night hating myself for wishing he would just love me. There was this big, thick comforter I slept with and I would wrap it around myself so tight and imagine it was him. I would lay like that and dream that things had changed, he had changed. No matter what, however, waking up always brought the hard reality that it wasn’t him hugging me. Just that old blanket.

The poem I wrote was called “Bruises On Her Heart”, and it went like this:

They tell her, you used to be so pretty when you smiled all the time.
She just laughs, shakes her head and says, “I’m smiling now.”
But everybody sees the two new bruises she tries so hard to hide.

She’s on her way home, and they play that song that always makes her cry.
But the kids are in the backseat watching with that look in their eyes.
And she hates herself for wanting him to come hold her tonight.

And she knows that they all know,
It’s getting harder to pretend.
That the bruises on her heart don’t hurt,
Worse than on her skin.

All the pieces of her life are floating all around her knees.
As she kneels down in the flood of tears that he’s caused her to weep.
She pulls herself up but she’s not so tough, cause she cries again tonight.

The dreams that she wakes from in the middle of the night,
Only leave her broken and empty inside.
Oh and the lies she’s had to tell to cover the truth of her life,
Are slowly dissolving away with every tear that she cries.

So she pulls the covers around herself
It’s getting harder to pretend.
That the blanket she’s wrapped so tightly in is him.

My friend, singer, songwriter and artist Brian Wylie, took the poem and added a single line. “She won’t do that again.” Then, he set it all to music and created this beautiful song:

I’ll never be able to thank Brian enough for putting these words, these thoughts, to music for me. To hear more of Brian Wylie’s amazing music, visit his YouTube Channel. You can also find some of Brian’s original artwork in the photo gallery of his MySpace Profile.